Out of the Closet!

We finally came out on FB! I decided last night to download a self timer app on my iphone5 to do a mini shoot. I propped my phone up using a beer bottle on the coffee table and got these.. I threw them in an album titled "The Inside Story" with a description that said "Oh Baby.."I was super nervous to do it but what's done is done! 

Let There Be Light!

I know this isn't directly baby related but...

We have a few house projects we want to finish up before we start working on the nursery. Finding a new dining room light has been at the top of the list. We have had company over to dine in the dark (true story) twice in the last 4 months without a light fixture in there. Every time I started to look for one I would get overwhelmed, not like anything I saw, and couldn't quite put my finger on what style I wanted in there.

A few months ago while in Lowes I came across this little light. I really liked it because it was about the right size, put off enough light, and was different. I moved on once again because I was being so picky about it.

 Well about a week ago my mom was inspired by a TV show she was watching and decided to send me an email with a bunch of lights she liked form different sites. The second one on her list was the same little light above that I had already considered. That made me look into it a little more and finally decided this past weekend that I was just going to go for it. I think it really is perfect. The fixture metal is the right tone, it has bling which offsets the horns on the dining room wall, and it's bright enough. Done. Decision made. How about this.. two days later it happens to go on sale for $30 cheaper! 

 Thank you, Lowes! We picked it up last night, and after the two hour TRAGEDY of Chad actually installing it I think it's perfect! 

I suck as a photorapher and these were taken early this morning so they are dim.. 

 You get the point though. 

Now if only I could get some crown molding up there.. and a new table.. and.. 

14w3d - OB Appt

"Ney- Ga - Dee - Of"

That's what my redneck midwife walked in and said. 

Translation: Negative. 

She was referring to my blood work from my NT scan that checks for chromosomal abnormalities. 

That was awesome news. All of my other blood work came back good as well except for my platelet count was low. They will be monitoring that from here on out. I also found out my blood type is A+. I was somehow able to score yet another U/S!  I swear my baby is going to come out green! Baby was moving around and doing well. 

On to the scary part.

 My closest friends know that I have 5 phobias:

1. People Choking

2. Roaches

3. The GYNO

4. People ringing my doorbell or knocking on my door

5. Bathroom attendants

So yesterday also consisted of a PAP *cue chicken skin* (redneck for goose bumps) I thought I was going to die.. but I obviously didn't which is awesome. 

On to the most exciting part..

11 days people.. 11.. but who's counting!? We will finally find out the gender of our Sweet P! 

I sent out invites last night
(Thanks to my amazing friend Amy)

The Ugly

I contemplated whether or not I should post about this issue, but I just decided to be real and if I make some people mad oh well. Afterall, it ain't always pretty.

I'm going to preface this with the fact that I am so extremely grateful for this pregnancy. Not one day goes by that I don't thank God for this miracle and am happy about it. The truth is pregnancy is not all happy and beautiful... especially for someone who has always had serious self image issues. So this may sounds selfish to some and I understand that.

I understand that it's for a reason. I understand I am growing a human being and what is most important is that my baby is healthy. I also understand this is a normal feeling that most women experience as their bodies change. For someone like me, who dropped out of high school because at the time thought I was "too fat and ugly", who has struggled with eating disorders and body dysmorphic disorder, and has seen numerous therapists along the way it's a little difficult. I don't walk around saying "I'm fat" as a plea for attention or fishing for compliments. It's not about that, but I had a mental breakdown the other day about gaining weight, my fears, and body changes.

Going through the struggles of infertility I thought FOR SURE would have given me a good base to go off of with this issue. I always thought to myself that I didn't care how much weight I gained or how I would look because all I wanted was that end result of a healthy happy baby. I was lying to myself the whole time. Since the day I got pregnant I think I've been holding my breath. Terrified of what would or could happen to my body.. of course these thoughts are always secondary to the wellbeing of my child. Don't get it twisted.

I am very well educated on nutrition and exercise and have done my best. I lost two pound just before getting pregnant but gained them back as soon as I got pregnant which would put me be back at my all time normal starting weight of 133. So total I've gained 4 lbs, which I realize is normal. It sounds better to me if I just pretend I started at 133 and have only gained 1.. but my body knows and shows THAT just isn't true.

The other day it all came crashing down. It all started when a friend of mine (who's wedding I will be in just 4 months after giving birth) called to say another bridesmaid was also pregnant.. about a month ahead of me.. and doesn't even look pregnant. That got my mind going. I know everyone is different and I shouldn't compare. I know I should be grateful that I'm pregnant and not care about my body. I'm not ignorant.. I just have issues I guess. Then I kept picturing us in the wedding.. her looking like nothing ever happened... and me looking disgusting, puffy and just repulsive. Then it doesn't help that I work with nothing but insensitive guys who always ask about gaining weight or what I'm eating which makes me feel like crap. I worry about what people will say about me behind my back about gaining weight and getting fatter. Then I wonder about whether or not Chad will still find me attractive and blah blah.. how big will I end up getting and will I ever be able to get the weight off. I can go on for hours but this is already way too long.

It's just hard. I know that many will roll their eyes at this and want to play their tiny violins and may even hate me for this.. go for it. This is my life, my pregnancy, and my blog.. which is for me to discuss my feelings. This is just part of it. XO

Bump

Here's a quick tacky work bathroom self shot from this morning of my bump at 13w3d. I realize this isn't the best shirt to show the bump, but I'm still trying to just camouflage it for the time being.

Normal...

A little sideways duck face...

Xo

NT Scan- 13w2d

The NT scan today went well. Sweet P is measuring 13w4d which is 2 days ahead, exactly 3 inches in length from head to rump, with a heart beat at 150. I was a little disappointed in my sonographer because she was a little dry and  didn't go above and beyond.. pffff I sounds like such a snot. She's a sonographer Emily, not a personal entertainer. Whatever. 

Chad and I kept going back and forth about the gender kind of hinting to her to check.. just to see.. ya know... NOPE. She wouldn't even acknowledge us. After the scan I asked if she got an idea or a peek and she just said it's too early. Kind of, not really, but ok. The good news is the nasal bone and fluid behind the neck are within normal range which is the whole reason we were there. 

Then I'm in the holding area waiting for the blood draw portion of the deal when another girl sits with us and says her sonographer told her she was probably having a girl. Must be nice! She then proceeded to show me her photos.. OMG! Her pictures were WAY better than mine! Seriously? I kept telling Chad to look at how good hers were compared to ours! Haha.. I'm turning into a crazy person. 

Here are two of the craptastic photos we got ; )

Giving us a thumbs up... ok maybe it was just about to suck it's thumb.

Profile Shot.. I have no idea who's nose that is...

Happy Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day to my amazing mom who does NOT have access to this blog.. haha.. 

And to all of the mothers out there who have BEEN moms, ARE moms, and those who WILL BE moms..

And to me? 

Wow. I can clearly remember how I felt last year at this time. I was two months out from my miscarriage and this day stung more than it ever had. I don't even think I was expecting to feel that way but man did it hurt. I held it in and didn't tell anyone because I thought it was an embarrassing feeling to have. It wasn't all about ME after all. I ended up breaking down in tears in the car on the way home from visiting Chad's mom that evening. It took him off guard but he was so sweet about it. He said he understood my feelings and assured me I would be a great mom... one day. Gotta love that man.

Fast forward to this year and I can't feel sad at all because I'm so blessed to be the Second Tri, bitches! Woot! Yes, I just used the words blessed and bitches in the same sentence. It works. It feels amazing to have made it this far and I can't help but think this is definitely going to be my take-home baby... at least that's what I pray for every day! 

Here's a video of the at home doppler being used yesterday.. =)