Gangster

It's National Infertility Awareness Week and I'm feeling a little bit gangster.

Until now I had been pretty private about my struggles in real life just because I knew how obnoxious and hurtful people could be regardless of how supportive they were attempting to be. I wasn't looking for horrible unsolicited advice or constant questions reminding me of my issues.

 Yes, I am now happily pregnant and yes that's probably why I have the guts to now be gangster about it. Better late than than never? I've been posting about it all week on FB. I think it sucks how taboo the subject really is and how many people will pretend they aren't seeing my status updates. I don't care I just want people to learn a little something.

 I am considering coming out on FB about my pregnancy at the end of the week. I mean psshh, let's be serious.. my big ol' baby is already measuring 12 weeks so I may as well! 

It's A.....

Human!!!! 

I am so glad to report our baby actually looks like a baby now! Not a crawfish, dragon, blob, critter, lint ball, or anything else weird.. but a freaking human baby!

I will go ahead and apologize now if every sentence in this post ends in "!!!!!" My appointment was pretty amazing and I'm very excited!

Unfortunately, the video I took only recorded for the very first 5 seconds.. devastating.. but like Chad said, "that appointment will forever be burned into my memory!"

This picture does it no justice with how it looked live... but without further adieu.. 

The first thing out of my RE's mouth was, "wow there's a big baby!" A baby it was! I was in awe to see my baby finally look like a baby. We saw the brain, jaw bone, 4 chambers of the heart, a pot belly just like mommy, the cord, the spine, 2 arms, 2 legs, and even fingers!! The RE said that the baby was already trying to suck it's thumbs bringing both hand to it's mouth and then we actually saw it happen! 

Sweet P moving around was the coolest thing I've ever seen in my life. I joked that it was probably a girl because the baby had a great turn out and seemed to be doing plies! Seriously the coolest thing ever. The hb went down a little to 163bpm (from 178bpm last time) which is great. When I went in to our appt I knew that at 10 weeks the baby should measure 1.22" or 30mm in length. When I asked for our measurement the RE said we have a big baby measuring at 42mm which is almost 2"! Holla! I'm glad to know Sweet P is doing so well and growing healthy but I'm sure my opinion of a big baby will change in a couple of months.. especially when it comes time to push! 

9.5 Weeks

As much as I wanted to wait to tell my work that I'm pregnant I ended up telling my boss on Friday. Partially because I swear I've caught him checking out my extra sexy bloat a few time but mostly because we will be flying together for a work trip to Memphis tomorrow. I really didn't want him wondering why all of a sudden I'm choosing a pat down instead of an x-ray scan at the airport. I mean who really wants this? 

Yes, please... grab my junk. 

I will leave you with a few new gems straight from my husband's mouth on this episode of Shit My Husband Says:

(Pointing to my boobs) "You really need to start pullin' on those things to callus them up so they have more durability."

(As I am painting my toe nails) "Are the fumes from that good for the baby?" (I laugh) "I'm serious, I don't want you giving birth to a crack baby"

Mic Check?

1, 2. 1, 2. 

My bad. 

I was a little paranoid (okay a lot paranoid) after our first u/s so that's why I've been a little MIA. Even though we saw our baby with a heart beat at only 5w6d I couldn't help but wonder if my fairy tale was going to be short lived. I stupidly read horror stories of women seeing the hb at 6 weeks but not at 8. Bad idea. 

We decided to tell our families anyway Easter weekend and then April Fools day. I will do a separate post about those once I put together a video compilation of how we told them and their reactions. 

On to the good news... 

8w3d

My speck of a baby that we saw two weeks ago is now a blob!The hb at the last appt was 105bpm and this time it was 178bpm!

It feels way more real now. Chad and I were both super giddy as we left this time. We also were able to make another u/s appt since my OB appt is still so far out. Holla!

It's Alive!!!!

Leading up to my first ultrasound this morning I really thought I was going to poop my pants. The idea of the nervousness and anxiety to come was terrifying. I am being very realistic with this pregnancy especially having experienced a loss in the past. I had definitely pondered over the possibilities of what I could have experienced this morning and was torn with being excited for what I've wanted for so long and terrified of my world crashing down. 

Last night as I was getting ready for bed I realized that I had been singing the lyrics, "don't stop believing"over and over. What in the world was I singing that for?! Who knows why but Chad and I thought of it as a good sign.

 This morning I didn't wake up with any nervousness or anxiety.. only anticipation and excitement. I think my body just knew that I could relax and it would be okay. Extra prayers probably didn't hurt either. 

 My extra classy photo with the infamous dildo-cam

My extra sexy husbands photo with his famous self

Then shit got real.

So I don't know what I was thinking but I'm not quite 6 weeks yet... maybe. Based on my LMP, suspected O date, and the ultrasound I'm somewhere between 5w5d and 6 weeks. Not that it really matters but still.  In the video you hear him say that I'm measuring 5w5d-5w6d but then later he says that in that shot I'm measuring 6 weeks. Who knows. I go back in two weeks for another one. Maybe we can get a better idea then. 

6 Weeks

My baby is finally the size of what we actually call it! 

Our little sweet "P", get it?! Hah. 

Hopefully there really is a baby the size of a sweat pea in there. I'm getting a little anxious for our first ultrasound on Friday. Praying we see the heartbeat. 

So yesterday I had a bit of a rough time. I should probably preface this with the fact that I am clinically diagnosed with OCD and food happens to be one of my "things." I'm a health freak but love all things fatty and fried. See below:

Sorry, I got carried away... You get the point.. 

It's a constant battle in my head.. I hate it. I eat pretty darn healthy most of the time, but even when I "cheat" I can't fully enjoy it because I will immediately feel guilty and mentally bash myself while I'm eating it and continue to do so for at least 12 hours. I am constantly thinking about what I just ate, what was in it, the nutrition values, what I'm going to eat next, and what I really want to be eating.. which is McDonalds. LOL It also doesn't help that I have a lot of stomach issues that limit what foods I should ingest. 

Just before lunch time I had a meeting with my boss that ran a longer than expect. By the time I got out of there my stomach was probably eating itself and I felt so weak. I was STARVING... I really shouldn't say that... I always picture a starving Ethiopian child with a distended belly when I hear people say that. Horrible. Anyway, I immediately popped a handful of almonds in my mouth and headed out to grab something. I almost felt dizzy I was so hungry. So I thought what are my options... and FAST. Burger King is the closest. Yum. Well, I'd rather not gain 100 lbs with my pregnancy so next option, Publix. A grocery store. One with a deli, salads, fruit, and other good healthy options. Right?

I get there and see watermelon, my favorite fruit, is BOGO. Holla! Then I head to the deli to get a salad. That's when shit got crazy. I realized I can't have the turkey cobb salad because it has turkey deli meat. Fine, then I decide I'll just get the greek. Oh. Nope. Not that one. That has feta cheese on it. Then I go to look at their "plated" food options.. all fried. Then I look at the subs which I can't have because of the bread. I seriously almost started crying.. I was desperate. Literally the only thing I could have bought was a whole damn rotisserie chicken. That shit wasn't flying. All this pregnant hoe wanted was some healthy food that she was allowed to eat. I was almost in tears. This is going to be a long road. I pulled out my phone to call someone to bitch and talk it out and figure out a lunch I could actually eat and... oh yeah.. no one knows yet. I realize now I could have asked a few people but my brain wasn't functioning properly at the time. Temporary insanity, ya know. I think my face started to look a little something like this. 

(don't ask how I even have a picture of myself like this)

Because people started starring at me. I was seriously so upset and at this point probably delusional.

After circling around the same food section 1384738746230980 times I finally left with butternut squash and apple coup, chickpea salad, and Mediterranean lintel salad, and watermelon.

Whatever. 

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Growing up in Savannah, Georgia St. Patrick's day is a HUGE deal. Since I can't appropriately celebrate this year I decided to do something a little different. 

I made Irish Car Bomb cupcakes! 

Yes, like the alcoholic drink/shot. If you're not aware of this drink it's basically a half shot of Jameson Whiskey and a half shot of Bailey's Irish Cream dropped right into a glass of Guinness beer and you chug it!

The dark chocolate cake had Guinness beer in it, the chocolate ganache filling had Jameson Whiskey in it, and the frosting was butter cream with Bailey's Irish Cream! They turned out amazing and they got a lot of awesome reviews. 

Don't worry.. I only Tasted them. 

If you want the recipe I got it HERE.