6 Weeks

My baby is finally the size of what we actually call it! 

Our little sweet "P", get it?! Hah. 

Hopefully there really is a baby the size of a sweat pea in there. I'm getting a little anxious for our first ultrasound on Friday. Praying we see the heartbeat. 

So yesterday I had a bit of a rough time. I should probably preface this with the fact that I am clinically diagnosed with OCD and food happens to be one of my "things." I'm a health freak but love all things fatty and fried. See below:

Sorry, I got carried away... You get the point.. 

It's a constant battle in my head.. I hate it. I eat pretty darn healthy most of the time, but even when I "cheat" I can't fully enjoy it because I will immediately feel guilty and mentally bash myself while I'm eating it and continue to do so for at least 12 hours. I am constantly thinking about what I just ate, what was in it, the nutrition values, what I'm going to eat next, and what I really want to be eating.. which is McDonalds. LOL It also doesn't help that I have a lot of stomach issues that limit what foods I should ingest. 

Just before lunch time I had a meeting with my boss that ran a longer than expect. By the time I got out of there my stomach was probably eating itself and I felt so weak. I was STARVING... I really shouldn't say that... I always picture a starving Ethiopian child with a distended belly when I hear people say that. Horrible. Anyway, I immediately popped a handful of almonds in my mouth and headed out to grab something. I almost felt dizzy I was so hungry. So I thought what are my options... and FAST. Burger King is the closest. Yum. Well, I'd rather not gain 100 lbs with my pregnancy so next option, Publix. A grocery store. One with a deli, salads, fruit, and other good healthy options. Right?

I get there and see watermelon, my favorite fruit, is BOGO. Holla! Then I head to the deli to get a salad. That's when shit got crazy. I realized I can't have the turkey cobb salad because it has turkey deli meat. Fine, then I decide I'll just get the greek. Oh. Nope. Not that one. That has feta cheese on it. Then I go to look at their "plated" food options.. all fried. Then I look at the subs which I can't have because of the bread. I seriously almost started crying.. I was desperate. Literally the only thing I could have bought was a whole damn rotisserie chicken. That shit wasn't flying. All this pregnant hoe wanted was some healthy food that she was allowed to eat. I was almost in tears. This is going to be a long road. I pulled out my phone to call someone to bitch and talk it out and figure out a lunch I could actually eat and... oh yeah.. no one knows yet. I realize now I could have asked a few people but my brain wasn't functioning properly at the time. Temporary insanity, ya know. I think my face started to look a little something like this. 

(don't ask how I even have a picture of myself like this)

Because people started starring at me. I was seriously so upset and at this point probably delusional.

After circling around the same food section 1384738746230980 times I finally left with butternut squash and apple coup, chickpea salad, and Mediterranean lintel salad, and watermelon.

Whatever.