It's Alive!!!!

Leading up to my first ultrasound this morning I really thought I was going to poop my pants. The idea of the nervousness and anxiety to come was terrifying. I am being very realistic with this pregnancy especially having experienced a loss in the past. I had definitely pondered over the possibilities of what I could have experienced this morning and was torn with being excited for what I've wanted for so long and terrified of my world crashing down. 

Last night as I was getting ready for bed I realized that I had been singing the lyrics, "don't stop believing"over and over. What in the world was I singing that for?! Who knows why but Chad and I thought of it as a good sign.

 This morning I didn't wake up with any nervousness or anxiety.. only anticipation and excitement. I think my body just knew that I could relax and it would be okay. Extra prayers probably didn't hurt either. 

 My extra classy photo with the infamous dildo-cam

My extra sexy husbands photo with his famous self

Then shit got real.

So I don't know what I was thinking but I'm not quite 6 weeks yet... maybe. Based on my LMP, suspected O date, and the ultrasound I'm somewhere between 5w5d and 6 weeks. Not that it really matters but still.  In the video you hear him say that I'm measuring 5w5d-5w6d but then later he says that in that shot I'm measuring 6 weeks. Who knows. I go back in two weeks for another one. Maybe we can get a better idea then. 

6 Weeks

My baby is finally the size of what we actually call it! 

Our little sweet "P", get it?! Hah. 

Hopefully there really is a baby the size of a sweat pea in there. I'm getting a little anxious for our first ultrasound on Friday. Praying we see the heartbeat. 

So yesterday I had a bit of a rough time. I should probably preface this with the fact that I am clinically diagnosed with OCD and food happens to be one of my "things." I'm a health freak but love all things fatty and fried. See below:

Sorry, I got carried away... You get the point.. 

It's a constant battle in my head.. I hate it. I eat pretty darn healthy most of the time, but even when I "cheat" I can't fully enjoy it because I will immediately feel guilty and mentally bash myself while I'm eating it and continue to do so for at least 12 hours. I am constantly thinking about what I just ate, what was in it, the nutrition values, what I'm going to eat next, and what I really want to be eating.. which is McDonalds. LOL It also doesn't help that I have a lot of stomach issues that limit what foods I should ingest. 

Just before lunch time I had a meeting with my boss that ran a longer than expect. By the time I got out of there my stomach was probably eating itself and I felt so weak. I was STARVING... I really shouldn't say that... I always picture a starving Ethiopian child with a distended belly when I hear people say that. Horrible. Anyway, I immediately popped a handful of almonds in my mouth and headed out to grab something. I almost felt dizzy I was so hungry. So I thought what are my options... and FAST. Burger King is the closest. Yum. Well, I'd rather not gain 100 lbs with my pregnancy so next option, Publix. A grocery store. One with a deli, salads, fruit, and other good healthy options. Right?

I get there and see watermelon, my favorite fruit, is BOGO. Holla! Then I head to the deli to get a salad. That's when shit got crazy. I realized I can't have the turkey cobb salad because it has turkey deli meat. Fine, then I decide I'll just get the greek. Oh. Nope. Not that one. That has feta cheese on it. Then I go to look at their "plated" food options.. all fried. Then I look at the subs which I can't have because of the bread. I seriously almost started crying.. I was desperate. Literally the only thing I could have bought was a whole damn rotisserie chicken. That shit wasn't flying. All this pregnant hoe wanted was some healthy food that she was allowed to eat. I was almost in tears. This is going to be a long road. I pulled out my phone to call someone to bitch and talk it out and figure out a lunch I could actually eat and... oh yeah.. no one knows yet. I realize now I could have asked a few people but my brain wasn't functioning properly at the time. Temporary insanity, ya know. I think my face started to look a little something like this. 

(don't ask how I even have a picture of myself like this)

Because people started starring at me. I was seriously so upset and at this point probably delusional.

After circling around the same food section 1384738746230980 times I finally left with butternut squash and apple coup, chickpea salad, and Mediterranean lintel salad, and watermelon.

Whatever. 

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Growing up in Savannah, Georgia St. Patrick's day is a HUGE deal. Since I can't appropriately celebrate this year I decided to do something a little different. 

I made Irish Car Bomb cupcakes! 

Yes, like the alcoholic drink/shot. If you're not aware of this drink it's basically a half shot of Jameson Whiskey and a half shot of Bailey's Irish Cream dropped right into a glass of Guinness beer and you chug it!

The dark chocolate cake had Guinness beer in it, the chocolate ganache filling had Jameson Whiskey in it, and the frosting was butter cream with Bailey's Irish Cream! They turned out amazing and they got a lot of awesome reviews. 

Don't worry.. I only Tasted them. 

If you want the recipe I got it HERE.

5 Weeks

Yep. I'm still pregnant. It's hard to believe as I type this.

I'm 5 weeks!

 My baby is the size of an apple seed. Holla, Johnny!

I have been having a few random camps each day down there, and fatigue has officially hit me but it's intermittent. Speaking of hitting me.. if you were to hit in me in my boob right now I'd probably have to judo chop you in the clavicle. 

I don't really have much of an appetite but I'm not sick either which is cool. If anything sounds good it's going to be hot and spicy. 

My moods are playing on the swing set for sure. I am tearing up at the dumbest shit. Seriously... I teared up watching a commercial (that my company produced) during a presentation that I'd seen probably 38 times. Here it is.. I mean come on..

I also totally tweaked out this morning because I had so much road rage... I don't think I've never felt so much anger. This one woman triiiiied me like a free sample! I seriously wanted to cut a hoe. 

Shit Chad said this week: 

A text message- "Btw when your water breaks can you make sure it happens in the kitchen or the bedroom bc if it gets on the wood I have to clean it up before we go to the hospital or the floors will swell"

The other night while eating dinner- "Did you know that you're about to push something the size of THIS (holds up a 2 Liter of Coke) out of your vagina?"

God, I love that man. 

I Stood On My Head..

If you know me in real life or on Facebook please keep this to yourself. We'd like to keep this private and tell our family friends when the time is right for us. Please don't feel hurt that I have not reached out to you individually to announce, as I am still very guarded at this early stage. 

We all know people love to give stupid advice on TTC. 

"Just get drunk!" "Stop trying.. that's when it will happen!" Or how about the, "just stand on your head after sex!" 

That's a good one right? 

Well I may have JOKINGLY done a naked headstand while Chad was getting a drink of water after banging it out. As soon as he walked back in the room and saw me we both died laughing.  

Well...Who's laughing now?

ME... because I'm KTFU!

  

I know, side-eye away.. I did it as a JOKE. Promise!

(and before you say it.. I've never had a UTI)

Two years ago we started TTC. One year ago I had a miscarriage. Today I'm KTFU.

As you know I was diagnosed with PCOS and possible endo, and Chad was diagnosed with severe MFI. He was set to have a repeat SA this week and my Lap surgery was scheduled for the 21st. I did have my HSG 2 months ago so who knows what did it. I totally thought we had crappy timing this cycle.

So here's the deal. I always spot before my period. Because I spot I never test since I know my period is coming and it would be a waste to test. I decided that this cycle I was going to pee on EVERYTHING and waste every stick I had just because I wanted to regardless of the stupid spotting! On 10DPO (see previous post) I actually ended up getting an "evap" line 2 hours later. I'd never had one before so I thought that was pretty cool! That night we had my dad and his gf over for dinner and drinks... moonshine was involved. I had a road trip to Charleston with my boss the next day and I knew I could sleep in and still have time to pack and whatnot. 

So when I woke up on Monday, March 4th I POAS and to my surprise a line showed up almost immediately. I literally said, "shut up." I thought for sure I was crazy and seeing things. There was no way I was pregnant. No way. Then I busted out a FRER and dipped it only to see another line. I said, "you have got to be kidding me." I pulled out the mack daddy digital and within one minute the word Pregnant popped up on the screen. 

I called my RE who said to come in right away for a beta draw and progesterone supplements. This turned into a mission. I took a half assed shower and ran around like a crazy person getting ready. Chad had taken my car to work since it's better on gas. I couldn't find his keys. I dumped out 3 bags of shit to find them finally. Then I get in his Jeep and guess what.. no gas! I almost ran out of gas on the way there. Traffic.. HORRIBLE! I had to put on my make up while driving using NO MIRROR. I had to stop on the way home to get baby asprin per my RE and I finally made it home with 5 minutes to pack my bag and there  my boss was rolling up in my driveway to pick me up!  Whew! 

While on the road I got the call that my first beta was 29 (my birthdate!)

I also found out that night that I got a huge promotion and a fat raise. Happy girl right here!

Chad thought that I was going to be picking up his SA cup from the RE on Wednesday during my lunch break. What he didn't know was that I was actually going to get my second beta drawn. I was actually able to convince the blood lab to give me a SA cup for my reveal plan for Chad. I put the cup in a brown paper bag and botched a SA patient form I found online. I printed it off and wrote with a big red marker "DON'T BOTHER…" across the paper.

 I folded it and put it in the bag. I wrote his name and birthday on the front of the bag and stapled it closed so it would look more legit. 

I finally got the call that my second beta came back at 107 with a doubling time of 25 hours! Now that I knew I had good news it was time to tell Chad!

I came home and told him I got his bag from the RE and that the nurse said there was a note for him as well. Before he opened the bag I told him I got him a card too! This is what is said...

We got a good laugh of of that!

He opened the bag and when he read the note "from the RE" he was so confused as to why they would say, "Don't Bother." I let him ponder over it for a few minutes before finally whipping out a fresh positive digital test for it to click. He was so shocked.. dumbfounded. He couldn't believe it happened naturally. There were lots of smiles and hugs. I think he's asked me 100 times already if I'm still pregnant and if this is for real.Then I have him this card.. 

When I flew home from Nashville last night and walked in the door Chad asked me if I was still pregnant. When I told him yes he asked me to prove it LOL. I peed on the last FRER I had. 

I'm happy to say my tests have gotten as dark as you can get so I am stepping away from the sticks. We are both extremely happy and praying this is our take home baby. Our first ultrasound is in 2 weeks on the 22nd

.I think this goes without saying but if you know me in real life or facebook please do NOT say anything to anyone about this. I will be telling family at a later time. 

<3 Estimated due date 11/16/13 <3

Insanity

This is what I thought about today as I dipped a pregnancy test this morning at 10dpo. I know I'm out. I know I'm not pregnant. This month is the same as all of the of the previous ones. Nothing new, nothing different, nothing special. So why am I expecting a different result? I am seriously starting to feel insane from holding out hope month after month even though I know better. Someone needs to commit a hoe. 

Check, Check. One Two, One Two.

Checking in at 5DPO from Knoxville, TN! I'm traveling for work this week and I must say this cold gray weather makes me that much more homesick.

I don't have anything exciting TTC related, but I wanted to share these cupcakes I made over the weekend. My mom came in town from south florida for her birthday, and she is obsessed with anything "beach" so I ran with that theme. I know they aren't perfect, but aren't they cute? I was told numerous times that it was the best white cake / butter cream frosting they had ever had. Now if only I could remember the recipe... I always tweak and change things without writing it down. Dumb.